Respect Is Earned, Not Given

Congratulations on your accomplishment! What a wonderful milestone!!!  You endured sleepless nights, endless blood, sweat and tears.  You worked hard to get where you are and I’m proud of you.

Thank you for the invite to toast your happiness, but I must respectfully decline.

Actually, I do not have to do anything.  When you read my letter I hope you can understand why.

I’m sure you are aware that my father recently passed after a long, difficult illness.  As a matter of fact, I know you are aware.  There was a point where I inundated my social media with hospital selfies with my Dad, you even put a little sad face emoji on one of them.

I’ve sent you holiday cards, birthday cards, attended your numerous celebrations, I have even taken time off from my job to attend your functions.  All while my father was dying.

My happiness is a limited resource right now, and I must use it wisely.  You had almost four months to send a card, call or text.  Anything!  Just acknowledge my loss the way I have acknowledged your milestones in life.

For the first few weeks I gave you the benefit of the doubt.  I checked the mail daily only to find nothing.  I double checked my voice and text messages in case I may have missed something.  Only to find silence.



Is my grief not as significant as your fourth marriage?  Or the birth of your child? Or your graduation? Or your housewarming party where somehow I was duped into purchasing Pampered Chef items I really didn’t need from you?  Congratulations by the way those are all wonderful milestones.  However, unlike your multiple marriages I’m unable to replace my father.  I mean I can’t exactly go on and find a new Dad.  And I’m not judging, I’m divorced myself.  I just thought after years of “friendship” you were aware of the bond I fused with my father and the incredible amount of pain I’m in.  I didn’t just lose my father, I lost my best friend.

I thought our friendship was a two way street.

I thought you respected me enough to acknowledge my father’s passing.

I thought you respected our friendship enough to acknowledge my father’s passing.

I’m sorry my grief makes you uncomfortable, it makes me uncomfortable all the time. My grief is a reminder that I have loved deeply and grieve the joys that once were and never will be.  It’s a reminder that I was blessed to have a magnificent man I proudly called “Daddy” throughout my life.

Grief is messy, unpredictable and never ending.  Grief forces you to reevaluate the relationships in your life.  I need to surround myself with people who are there for me not just for the good times, but the bad times too.

I wish you well, I wish you happiness however, I cannot attend your celebration.


Photo Credit:  Love This Pic







5 thoughts on “Respect Is Earned, Not Given

  1. Very powerful…it’s not your usual voice.. Your tone shows you are extremely anguish. Yeah! I understand that it takes more pain when someone close to the heart doesn’t take part in our grief. Let’s us be different okay? See, why do we need to actually retaliate in the same way like they did? Why don’t we show our individuality? We don’t need to encourage them neither. Let them be in their own world. It’s well seen that we aren’t their world anymore. So basically it differentiates us as a different world. Take that out! And cherish all your golden memories with your most loved person Dad and spread love in the way your father taught you and showed you.
    I’m sure you are such a great person who can go any extent for your family. 😊😊.
    As usual, I’m loving it this time also. Strangely, ending without any bursting tears. ☺

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you, this was alittle different than my usual writings. I actually had a different post scheduled for today, and then decided to share this instead. I enjoy your feedback, Thank you 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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